it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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