he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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