Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
