is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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