ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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