I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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