I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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