I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
