It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize