If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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