It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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