I wish I could punch you in the face.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
