what day is it and did you see me today?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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