Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
