My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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