i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
