his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
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im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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