If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I looked at my own cervix.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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