I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can't put those talents on a resume
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
