did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
