I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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