Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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