Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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