I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
