i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
