that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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