Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
