I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize