You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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