My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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