Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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