just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
