I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
