Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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