I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
