Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
