im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize