Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
birth control should be required to get into college
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
a search helicopter?!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
