i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am spending my child support on dildos
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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