I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
