i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
