so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
