So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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