i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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