aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
