smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
