Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
