I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
