You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
