Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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