You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
