I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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