If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
