it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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