cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
