She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
