Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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