Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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