I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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