I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
