Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Fuck appropriateness.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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