My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
