i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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