Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
