Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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