She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
