he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
