Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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