He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
