I am puke
I bet he comes in French.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Randomize
