I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
