i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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