so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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