I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You're my little dorito
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
