so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
