I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
