The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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