But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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