So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
