I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
