This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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