I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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