I'm really into asian looking animals
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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