i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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