Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
